The views expressed in this blog are personal and not representative of the U.S. Government, etc etc etc.
Read at your own risk.

Tuesday, July 28, 2015

A Hilarious Letter, Brought to you by Kathleen and Sophia

Dear Grandpa, how are you?  The letter you sent was hilarious.  The picture of Joseph was the most striking. Here’s something funny we will write: 

My Many Desires 
By Joseph H. Sherwood
First, I would like to tell you how pleased I am to be a three-year old.  My greatest desire is to have whatever I want.  I would someday hope to be the supreme ruler.
                                Things That I Am Lacking

  1. A fancy palanquin.
  2. Cookies every day for at least a meal.
  3. At least 7 meals a day and snacks whenever I want them.
  4. Soda for my daily drink.Fanta and other types.
  5. Many servants who will obey my command.
  6. Graham crackers and marshmallows every day.
  7. The number of daily snacks each day will consist of at least 15.
  8. At least a meal will consist of ice cream and lollipops.
  9. A grand castle, fully furnished.
  10. To go to bed at 12:00 AM and wake up at 3:00 AM
  11. Many real working toy weapons.
  12. To have a whole bunch of candy.
  13. Many living animals.
  14. A tool box full of real tools and a wall I can drill holes in.
  15. Many little vehicles I can drive around.
  16. A real lighter and something I can set fire to.
  17. My siblings to not hurt me or persecute me and Edwin to be in prison.
  18. Games that I can play all by myself and things I can break.
  19. A light system, fancy wallpaper, and many windows.
  20. Wallpaper that is flavored like ice cream.
  21. Here is a list of my things:
    1. A reasonable cardboard house.
    2. A baby doll.
    3. A fully stocked kitchen.
    4. A bed I can lie down in.
    5. A nicely furnished room for my beloved sister.
    6. Various junk in my house.
    7. My sister’s busy box.
    8. About 3 nicely furnished rooms.
    9. Several empty rooms.
    10. The vacuum cleaner.  
    11. Am I not poor? The things you have read in this list are all I have in the world.Here is a conversation between me and my sister.The E stands for Eleanor and J stands for me.E:Why haven’t you been working?
    12. J:I have been telling all these respectable people what I have and what I lack.
    13. E:Oh Joseph, now you’ll be a rich man!
    14. J: Why do you say that?
    15. E:Because all of these respectable people are here to help you!
    16. J: Now I am a rich man! Now get me what I request!
    17. E: Oh Joseph, why do you say that when we can help others?
    18. J: Because I do not believe in helping others!
    19. E: Oh Joseph, that you shouldn't say that!
    20.  We hope you enjoyed this.
    21. Love,
    22. Sophia and Kathleen
    23. P.S. They were originally going to be a couple and have kids, but we decided not.

No comments: