In reality, I could have simply put a doll in the car seat and pulled the shade down. All of the indentification and picture-matching that occurred was 'Do you have the child with you? Where?' And then I gestured in the direction of the floor where I was supposed to have a baby in a car seat. I tried to lift it up for confirmation, but that effort was waved off.
After Edwin was identified, or rather alluded to, I informed the clerk that I was applying for a diplomatic passport.
clerk: (after conferring with other clerks) Okay, now what you'll have to do is have us put the application in an envelope and you'll have to mail it to DC.
me: Can I just FedEx it?
clerk: No! Now your total will be $85. Check or money order?
me: (confused) But a diplomatic passport is a no-fee passport. I'm only supposed to pay the post office fee.
clerk: No ma'am. Everyboyd has to pay for their passports. You're going to have to take up not paying with the State Department.
me: (having no other option) Okay. I guess I'll use a debit card.
clerk: (after more conferring) Oh, this has to be expedited. That will be another $60. Check or money order?
So after paying $145, I took the envelope that they had just charged me $60 for the privilege of having, and paid $5 to mail it to DC.