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Tuesday, June 25, 2013

Too Many Choices

I hate lunch.  Everyone has low spots in their day, and lunch is mine.  Dinner is a close second (sometimes pulling ahead of lunch depending on the day), but usually lunch is the worst.  Coming after three hours of hair-pulling agony school, it's just one more thing to hurry people through before I get my own blessed break.

We eat leftovers for lunch because they're easy and cheap.  Sometimes we have a full refrigerator to choose from, sometimes the pickings get a little slim.  Sometimes I have to resort to bread, cheese, and fruit if my cooking has been insufficient (read: eating cold cereal for dinner).

When we finally make it to lunch time, school is finished and everyone is in clean-up mode, which is also known as drag-your-feet-and-whine-to-make-hungry-tired-mom-crazy mode.  So while Edwin tries to make things instead of clean up the legos, Sophia draws pictures on the paper she's supposed to be putting away, and Kathleen reads her textbooks instead of stacking them, I get lunch ready.

Sometimes I'm nice and give people options.  Sometimes I'm not and put whatever we have on the table.  This usually results in someone deciding that death is worse than leftover soup.  So either way I have to put up with some kind of whining.

Today I had two choices: macaroni and cheese or rice soup.

Kathleen wanted macaroni and cheese.  Sophia, the rice soup.  Joseph, not being vocal enough to whine, got soup.  Next I asked Edwin.

"Would you like rice soup or macaroni and cheese, Edwin?"

"I'll have pasta!"

"We don't have any pasta.  You ate it all yesterday.  We just have macaroni and cheese or soup.  That's it."

"How about cabbage?"

"No cabbage.  We haven't had cabbage for months.  Just soup.  Or macaroni.  Either.  But nothing else."

"Black beans and rice!"

"No black beans.  No rice.  Soup.  Macaroni.  Just say one of those two words.  Say soup.  Or say macaroni.  Soup.  Macaroni.  Your choice."

"But I don't want polenta!!!!!"

"No.  No polenta.  No black beans and rice.  No cabbage.  No pasta.  Just.  Soup.  Or.  Macaroni.  That's all.  Nothing else.  Two choices.  Souporpasta.  Pastaorsoup.  Pasta.  Soup.  Soup.  Pasta.  Just say one!!!"

"Could I have a milkshake?"

[pause to keep the scream from escaping]

"Okay, macaroni is always a great choice!"

I think that next time, everyone's getting Soylent.


PaulaJean said...

You always make me laugh. And very happy to not have small children any more!

UnkaDave said...

Offer them the Green option on the Soylent.