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Sunday, June 27, 2010

Does Ketchup Come with That?

Recently, Brandon's brother put forth the opinion that Obama was to blame for the slow clean-up of the gulf oil spill, and that the government should have stepped in to 'fix everything.' Upon questioning, he admitted to socialist leanings.

Having spent over a year now in the fold of the federal government and coming from my recent experience of trying to arrange travel to the US for our summer visit, I would like to offer a scenario of how things would go if the well meaning, but incredibly inefficient government took over.

How it is done now:
1. Decide that you would like some McDonald's
2. Go to McDonald's, talk with the man in the speaker, and get your food.
3. Pay for it.

How it would be done by the government:
1. Decide that you would like to have some food in a week.
2. Fill out an online form requesting food. As the form has no clear instructions, ask friends, neighbors and family members how they filled out their form. Dial customer service, where you will get someone who has no idea what they're talking about. Don't forget to note the date and time you would like food.
3. Wait for your form to be checked over by four separate people.
4. Fill the form out again to correct the errors that the last person found.
5. Resubmit.
6. Receive an okay, and call the food scheduling office.
7. Speak to the office, and find out what restaurants they have a contract to work with.
8. Be given a choice of two meals that are in the contract.
9. Choose your meal.
10. Receive an authorization certifying that the government will pay for your food.
11. Go to McDonald's (if it's in the contract), and pick up your food. Make sure to pay for the food.
12. Submit a voucher online. Ask friends, relatives, and co-workers how to submit the voucher. Don't forget the receipt and three other proofs that you went to McDonald's and got the food.
13. Wait for your voucher to be checked over for four other people.
14. Have it returned for errors.
15. Resubmit.
16. Receive reimbursement for your hamburger.
17. If you would like ketchup, go back to step 1.


PaulaJean said...

I DO want ketchup! AAAAAAAAGGGHHHH!!!

UnkaDave said...

Yes, but how else would those four people live that have to reject your requisition the first time? Or the other three that send it back the second time? Or the guy who carries it in between?! Think woman, think!!

Latter-day Guy said...

In fairness, I do think that the powers that be COULD have done more to help the situation.

After hurricane Katrina, most US media outlets made sure to keep reminding us that Bush + FEMA = racist, bad, evil.

Thus it strikes me as a bit odd that during this epic-scale disaster Obama + Golf + Golf + Golf = hunky dory. (Of course, now that's all changed, and Our Leader's "ass-kicking" prowess saves thousands of waterfowl and marine species daily.)

Yes, any government intervention would have been almost certainly inept, but it would have been nice to see an attempt. Surely a few members of his coterie of 'czars' could have––at the very least––been tossed into the bay to see if they'd soak up some oil.